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THANK YOU (Mothergod)

Image by: Anna Rae Gallery

By: Anna Rae Aurora

This is truth: Do not betray yourself. I sure did. I am deeply flawed and who would have guessed that the vulnerability is the armor. We are all deeply vulnerable and in this is the magic. I encourage you to connect and play with expression; emulating the heart of a child.

This digital portrait stuff is still a craft in which I am working to become more literate and the significance of this one does not do the subject justice. This is a portrait of a woman whose birth name is Amy Carlson. She is more well known as Mother God. It took me awhile to see the God in us all, individually, because I did not want to love the beautiful thing I was (why would I if you did not?). This self aversion included the part of my being that was a reflection of God. That spark of unmeasurable energy that is the crux of spiritual response in this day and age. Amy and I share a lot of life experiences and I 100% began my experience with her followers and her by trolling the group that recognize/d the God that she is. How insane, right? Who would be so entitled and out there to think they are God. I thought, ‘Well, she probably had some trauma that broke her and she detached, lost her mind and this crazy coping mechanism is a train wreck that I will thoroughly enjoy witnessing.” Here is where I saw that the majority of negative beings around me had been successful. The criticism had me twisting myself upon myself and finding comfort in other people’s spectacle. The only power as one who is typically considered “the disaster” is to bully another being defined as a disaster. I failed to conform to the standards set by contemporary, capitalist and predatory influenced institutions.. I have always considered myself outside of society and what I did not realize was that “they” had won. The bad guys won in keeping my spirit low and static. For every being that shunned me for what they saw as wrong or weird, effectively crushed my creativity and joy which allowed me to a. refrain from being expressive/their interpretation of causing trouble or slacking from responsibility b. had my heart in a loop of guilt and shame that exacerbated the suppression of joy I needed to express and relay to you, dear reader. The followers of Mother God are brazen and hold live YouTube/Facebook broadcasts everyday. Like clockwork. I could depend on these beings to push my buttons with wild conspiracy theories and what I saw as a spectacle to focus on during the most challenging time in our world/s. But, even the first time watching, I was drawn to the abilities in the group dynamic to connect in real time with beings during a gigantic paradigm shift for humanity and the ability and willingness to tap into everyone behind a screen watching. I was drawn to the brutal honesty and unconditional love. “We love you. We know that hurt people… hurt people. We love you, anyway. If you’re here and watching…you are a royal FUCKING angel and you are going to keep coming back and we are going to keep taking the betrayal of yourself and transforming it to love.” I have always had a hard time being quiet or having a filter and I recognized myself in these beautiful beings who also put themselves out there in the world ready to be triggered and letting those experiences build upon itself layer by layer and strengthen our individual and collective spirit. Their gift to you and I was the option to come back and try, again, the next day, to be in our heart. The more I watched, the more I understood that this was what unconditional love was about and that it’s not just a plate of bliss served but a seasonal cycle or pattern to implement: do real work and maintain a hypersensitive connection with the world around us. It may seem like an obvious chain of events, but, we see what we see at the right time. It took time to for me to see that the criticism of this woman, Amy or God or whoever, was a direct reflection of the negative energies that look at me in the same way. I was so insecure about my traumas and how it affected my relationships and choices in the past. The people I had interacted with that propelled the suppression had “won.