THANK YOU (Mothergod)

Image by: Anna Rae Gallery

By: Anna Rae Aurora

This is truth: Do not betray yourself. I sure did. I am deeply flawed and who would have guessed that the vulnerability is the armor. We are all deeply vulnerable and in this is the magic. I encourage you to connect and play with expression; emulating the heart of a child.

This digital portrait stuff is still a craft in which I am working to become more literate and the significance of this one does not do the subject justice. This is a portrait of a woman whose birth name is Amy Carlson. She is more well known as Mother God. It took me awhile to see the God in us all, individually, because I did not want to love the beautiful thing I was (why would I if you did not?). This self aversion included the part of my being that was a reflection of God. That spark of unmeasurable energy that is the crux of spiritual response in this day and age. Amy and I share a lot of life experiences and I 100% began my experience with her followers and her by trolling the group that recognize/d the God that she is. How insane, right? Who would be so entitled and out there to think they are God. I thought, ‘Well, she probably had some trauma that broke her and she detached, lost her mind and this crazy coping mechanism is a train wreck that I will thoroughly enjoy witnessing.” Here is where I saw that the majority of negative beings around me had been successful. The criticism had me twisting myself upon myself and finding comfort in other people’s spectacle. The only power as one who is typically considered “the disaster” is to bully another being defined as a disaster. I failed to conform to the standards set by contemporary, capitalist and predatory influenced institutions.. I have always considered myself outside of society and what I did not realize was that “they” had won. The bad guys won in keeping my spirit low and static. For every being that shunned me for what they saw as wrong or weird, effectively crushed my creativity and joy which allowed me to a. refrain from being expressive/their interpretation of causing trouble or slacking from responsibility b. had my heart in a loop of guilt and shame that exacerbated the suppression of joy I needed to express and relay to you, dear reader. The followers of Mother God are brazen and hold live YouTube/Facebook broadcasts everyday. Like clockwork. I could depend on these beings to push my buttons with wild conspiracy theories and what I saw as a spectacle to focus on during the most challenging time in our world/s. But, even the first time watching, I was drawn to the abilities in the group dynamic to connect in real time with beings during a gigantic paradigm shift for humanity and the ability and willingness to tap into everyone behind a screen watching. I was drawn to the brutal honesty and unconditional love. “We love you. We know that hurt people… hurt people. We love you, anyway. If you’re here and watching…you are a royal FUCKING angel and you are going to keep coming back and we are going to keep taking the betrayal of yourself and transforming it to love.” I have always had a hard time being quiet or having a filter and I recognized myself in these beautiful beings who also put themselves out there in the world ready to be triggered and letting those experiences build upon itself layer by layer and strengthen our individual and collective spirit. Their gift to you and I was the option to come back and try, again, the next day, to be in our heart. The more I watched, the more I understood that this was what unconditional love was about and that it’s not just a plate of bliss served but a seasonal cycle or pattern to implement: do real work and maintain a hypersensitive connection with the world around us. It may seem like an obvious chain of events, but, we see what we see at the right time. It took time to for me to see that the criticism of this woman, Amy or God or whoever, was a direct reflection of the negative energies that look at me in the same way. I was so insecure about my traumas and how it affected my relationships and choices in the past. The people I had interacted with that propelled the suppression had “won.” Job was done and all I saw was weakness and a flimsy argument for this mission or agenda this woman was on. It felt too passionate, too sure of itself. So, of course, this was a the reflection I saw when looking inside my vulnerable heart . I came to terms with this when I started to learn more about Amy’s life before and her later life as God. Amy was also traumatized repeatedly and abused as a child and her vocalizing this truth of hers severed her from her entire family. How dare anyone have the audacity to challenge a victim who uses their voice for validation, healing and empathy. The generational cycles led those around her to deny her abuse and ostracize her for this “fabrication” as well as the choices in her life that allowed her to cope with the consequences of abuse and trauma. I am not crazy. I have been hurt, abused and lied to and I have transformed into a genuine phenomenon considering what tools and love I received during my formative years. I also struggle with family who have seen my healing from trauma and the conduits I use to break this evil cycle of suffering and abuse as “petty”, attention seeking or unnecessary. I also struggle with finding purpose and peace in my existence as it seemingly is to just to accept these all too common traumas and keep that burden and shame inside to just wither the spark away. I, also, struggle knowing most people are so asleep that they will never see the gifts I hold outside of conformed and disconnected expectations. Amy died this year. She left with the trolls trolling hard, just as I was beginning to see myself in her, she left her body and her breaths ended. She left this realm of existence with people running entire social media pages and online communities that would claim to “expose” her and her followers. Mom was dragged on social media and slimy talked shows like Dr. Phil. Imagine living your best life after everyone around you dims your light/denies your truth and then your entire family decided that the best thing for everyone was to be on a hack talk show where it is a clear division of power in the host and those that choose to align with predatory and antiquated platforms like television shows that play upon your own insecurities by making you feel better at the expense of putting others down. These people were and are shaming them for what? Because they felt God’s presence on this Earth? Because they rejected the consumption and regurgitation of negativity? How is it that a group of people who are working to the bone transforming tragedy into love are the circus to ridicule? In truth, it was Amy’s alleged train wreck that distracted from their own train wreck at home and in their own hearts. In the last couple of years, my small family of three has come to terms with its own traumas, within and brought to us from others.. Over time, my children’s disclosure of their abuse has had less of a burden on their hearts as we keep safe distance from the abusive sources . You would not believe the pushback in a multitude of systems in holding predators accountable for their behavior and violation of human spirit. It is 2021 and these children have disclosed their abuses to handfuls beings in spaces that are intended to provide emotional and legal support. Yet, my children have consistently asked “Mama, do you believe what I said?” and that is a question no survivor should have to ever say. I believe you, Amy. I believe my children. I believe myself and there is nothing wrong with us. Amy was not making anything up for attention and I recognize the God she was and is. This woman went through so much and she still lived her life in service to us as a whole collective. She is a radiant example of transforming the shadows we are given into gold. If there are untruths, exaggerations and lunacy in her expression, I could not care less. Neither should you. We are all deeply flawed and royal fucking angels. I felt her ascension to the etheric realm. I felt the release of what started as the destruction of another pure innocent spark of life who transcended laps around humanity at the expense of her value according to those around her. Mother God survived the worst betrayals in human existence; dismissal of a joy -filled life based on the value our power hungry system’s design geared to extinguish the light that forces you to be uncomfortable and do the inner work instead of sleeping your life away. You cannot stop God, me, the truth and love. She laid the plans and we intend to use them. The power wielded over this woman to suppress her truth and light is all of us, indeed. The wonder and true distilled beauty and light is us all, indeed.

https://annarae.art/stories/thankyou